daily journal 12-17

One things that is constantly stressing me out in my life is the feelining of having too much to do. I rarely feel as though I am on top of things, or have time to rest.  There is always something else I should be doing, whether it is writing a paper that's due next week or cleaning my room.  It is very overwhelming to feel as though I am hardly ever on top of all the things I should be doing, so I often feel as though I am falling behind in the activities most people have no trouble keeping up with.  When I think I have a million things to do, I get discouraged and give up.  I dismiss finishing my math homework or walking my dog like I should, so that I can finally sit down and rest for a while.  When I do this, however, it eventually starts to pile up and I eventually get even more stressed out than I was originally.  I need to accept that I will almost always have some form of stress in my life, but that as long as I keep up with my jobs and duties, I should be able to keep the anxiety of it all under control.  I would rather have mild stress and have more of a handle on everyday life, than be able to lay around and eventually feel completely and totally overwhelmed.  Either way I have stress and worry, but at least when I attempt to stay on top of things I can keep it under control.  Basically, as long as I do what I can and don't get lazy, the stress doesn't mount up and take over my life. And I've been rambling on and on and on and on about this, and there's only so many ways I can say that I have anxiety...plus I'm pretty sure its been ten minutes so I'm getting stressed out by Krebs walking around the room when I literally have nothing left to write.  He just said two more minutes, but I have actually used up my entire vocabulary already in this massive paragraph and I really just want to be done.  I can't wait to go see Tony later.  It isn't a sure thing yet but I'm telling myself I'm going, so now I'm really excited.  I even took my adderall today so I'm not sure why this is running through my head?  Maybe because I already wrote everything I could on my stressed out life so I'm pulling things out of nowhere to talk about.  This daily journal is like a bad first date where I am forced to keep talking but I don't even care about what is coming out of my mouth.  I don't even know if anyone is going to be reading this? So it's like my date isn't listening to me.  I'm rambling because I have nothing else to do, and my date isn't listening.  What a nightmare.  God, please don't ever let me go on a date like this in real life.